Lilarcor, also known as Lawrence Lilarcor, is an enchanted talking two handed sword. It's a +3 weapon in terms of enchanted weapons. It weighs 10 lbs and has a speed factor of 8. This weapon gives the wielder immunity from charm and confusion. Lilarcor requires a minimum strength of 14 to be wielded. Compared to other enchanted weapons +2 or +3, this item has a relative low value and it's a good quality weapon, but it's probably lowered because the sword may irritate the owner. It appears only in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn.
|“||Lawrence Lilarcor was well known, not for being brave, but as an idiot. As the tale goes, the boastful Lilarcor left his village at the urging of his friends so that the "great hero" could do battle with a devious Treant. He walked for days in the dead of winter until, feverish, he found his target and began an epic wrestling match. Unfortunately (or perhaps luckily), the "Treant" was nothing more than a craggy old normal oak. His friends had been jesting, not actually expecting that Lilarcor would go fight the fictitiously dangerous tree. That might have been the end of it, but Lilarcor, not really knowing what a Treant was in the first, didn't realize the truth. He eventually uprooted the oak and, marching proudly home, he declared himself a hero. Thus was born a laughing stock of epic proportions, and over time the name of Lilarcor became the sacrificial fool in many tales of "less than brilliance".It is not known whether this enchanted weapon is Lilarcor himself, perhaps imprisoned by an evil mage or some other odd coincidence of fate, but it certainly acts in a manner consistent with his level of competence. If it is he, he has never bemoaned his captivity. He might not realize, or care, that he is no longer a human.As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah! Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche.||”|
This dialogue can be engaged when clicking on the converse button while examining the weapon in the inventory menu. The status quotes are randomly picked, but the advice dialogue depends on the chapter. The sword does not give any advice in the Throne of Bhaal chapters.
When asking Lilarcor about its status
Lilarcor: "What's my status? Since when you do you care about me, unless I'm impaled in someone's guts? Oh, well, fine, let me think for a minute..."
You get one of the four lines below:
- "Hmph. I suppose I'm okay. Why? Are we gonna kill something now? No? How about now? No? Hmmm... now, maybe? Grrrrrr..."
- "I think you need take better care of me. I've got more chips than a blind beaver... I look like a second-rate pig poker."
- "Well, since you asked, I would like to register a complaint. I want to kill a dragon. Right now. Go find one and kill it. That would be SO cool."
- "I'd appreciate some quality time in my scabbard. Take a break... ahhhh, who am I kidding? Attack! Battle! Kill! Hee heeee...... this is what I live for!"
When asking Lilarcor for advice
Lilarcor: The sword whistles incredulous. "Advice, eh? Well, besides working on your swordmanship. Besides that, I'd have to think."
"Hmmm... find someone rich, and kill them. Find someone richer, and kill them, too! Hack and slash your way to fortune! Woo-hoo!!"
- "Bring 'em on! I ain't done!"
- "Choke up, dolt, your grip is all wrong!"
- "Come get some! Boo-yah!"
- "Hands up, kiddies, who wants to die?!"
- "I am invincible! Invincible, I say!"
- "I'm the best at what I do, and what I do ain't pretty!"
- "Kill kill kill! Yeah! Cool!"
- "Kill it! Kill it quick before they're all gone!"
- "Let's dance!"
- "Let's see what's inside this one! Yeah!"
- "Mmm, mm! Tastes like chicken!"
- "Murder! Death! KILL!!!"
- "Oh yeah!"
- "Ooo, that'll leave a mark!"
- "Sissy fighter! You grab, I'll scratch!"
- "Some of my finest work!"
- "Swing harder, swing harder! Swing harder!!"
- "Who's your daddy!"
- "Yeah! Hit it! Hit it again!"
- "You deal, I'll cut!"
- "You feel lucky, punk?"
- "...and this one's for grandma, who said I'd never amount to anything more than a butterknife!!"
- "Are we gonna kill something now? C'mon, maybe? Something small... anything!"
- "Are YOU talking to ME?!!"
- "Boring. Boring. BorIIING!"
- "Can we go kill something now, huh?"
- "Can we go whack something now?"
- "C'mon, what about now? Let's KILL!"
- "C'mon c'mon, let's go whack something evil.
- "Come on let's kill something NOW!"
- "Come on, what about now? No? C'mon, c'mon! I'm getting itchy, let's GO!"
- "Hot butta!"
- "I don't chop wood, OK? I am not an axe."
- "I don't know what you are excepting, but as a sword, I'm pretty one-dimensional in what I want.
- "I love the smell of daisies in the morning!
- "All right, listen, beefy. I may be an intelligent sword, but I've had no formal edumication."
- "Let's whack something eeeevvvvillllll....."
- "My brother is a +12 Hackmaster! Mhmheh."
- "Now? Please? Pretty please?"
- "Now! Now! C'mon, kill something now!! Yeah!"
- "Okay, listen, beefy: I may be an intelligent sword, but I've had no formal edumication."
- "Oooh, I'm shaking! Haha!"
- "Oooh, throw a coin in that fountain! Hahaha!"
- (sign) "Ohhhhh, C'MON!"
- (double sign) "Russ'em, friggin', saw-a-rabbit. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!"
- "So, are we gonna... kill something now!?"
- Wanna go and kill now? Hmm mm mmm hm mm hmmm. Now?
- "Wanna kill that over there? C'mon, let's kill somethin'!"
- "What about now?"
- "Why don't we go kill that over there?"
- "Wouldn't it be cool if you could dual-wield me?"
- "YOINK! Got yer nose!"
- "You can't be serious!"
- "You know, my last owner said that I was sharp and edgy. He was such an ass."
- "Y'know what? Long time ago, yeah, I was like er, a Moonblade. Heheheheh."
- "You really need to clean me. I like to shine!"
- "I got more chips than a blind beaver!"