Golden Pantaloons are one of the most intriguing, amusing and luxurious items in game. We first encounter them in the Friendly Arm Inn, when we get mistaken by their owner to be part of the Inn's laundry service. We're then presented with one decision: whether or not to return them. Later, if we talk with Mr. Shade on the second floor of the Splurging Sturgeon in Baldur's Gate, he will take away the golden pantaloons.
If a player imports the Golden Pantaloons from Baldur's Gate into BG2, followed by the Silver Pantaloons in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn and the Bronze Pantalettes from Baldur's Gate II: Throne of Bhaal, then the three may be taken to Kerrick the Smith in Amkethran, where he will turn them into the Big Metal Unit.
Description[edit | edit source]
Before identification[edit | edit source]
|“||Pantaloons of a quality heretofore unseen by the eyes of either man or beast. Dynamic styling and comfort that cradles, cuddles and coddles. Seduce your thighs, cajole your calves; enjoy Golden Pantaloons... TODAY! Trousers you would be proud to take home to mother, if mother rode fast and fought hard.||”|
After identification[edit | edit source]
|“||The Golden Pantaloons did surely see the very beginnings of our realm; though I must press that they "saw" this formative time by their simple presence, and not through some vestigial eyes that might have erupted through rear pocket perhaps concealing teeth and other improbable extremities. I am sure that the various owners of the pantaloons can attest to the general lack of animated digits or ocular sensors, as evidenced by the continued sanctity and privacy maintained by their respective buttocks.
Lyric pantums of an age long since out of print speak of "trousers that were as metal, though soft around the shanks." While it might be easy to jump to the seemingly inevitable conclusion that the trousers rose while Netheril fell, it is doubtful that the pantaloons were the garments of which they speak. One must clarify these oft-misquoted verses with knowledge of Pantechnicon, an ancient bazaar once prized for Silver Pantalets. Fine these may have been, but golden they were not. Nickel Panties are also said to be currently available, though the dockside establishments that claim to offer these products are beyond my meager experience, and thus I can make no report.
The purpose of these pantaloons is as mysterious as ever, and will likely remain so until the Pantocrator himself returns, though some properties can be divined through intimate observation. The "uplifting" properties of the gusset very nearly defy gravity, shaping quite nicely both the front and rear. This improved contour would likely increase self-esteem for a wearer of either sex. I would hazard a guess, however, that this continuing self delusion might actually hamper cognitive functions, and care should be taken in the wearing of any pantaloons of golden nature.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- These pantaloons are of undeniable quality. We're told by their owner that it took 15 women and a small boy from Calimshan 12 days and 4 nights to weave. He also tells us about the padding in the codpiece.
- Despite having value, this item can not be sold to shops.