Lilarcor

Lilarcor, also known as Lawrence Lilarcor, is an enchanted talking two handed sword. It's +3 weapon in terms of bonuses to damage and thaco. It weighs 10 lbs and has a speed factor of 8. This weapon gives the wielder immunity from charm and confusion. The weapon requires a minimum strength of 14 to be wielded. This weapon is gained as a reward from the subquest: Solve the riddle in the sewer in Athlatka. It appears only in Baldur's Gate II.

In-game description
"Lawrence Lilarcor was well known, not for being brave, but as an idiot. As the tale goes, the boastful Lilarcor left his village at the urging of his friends so that the "great hero" could do battle with a devious Treant. He walked for days in the dead of winter until, feverish, he found his target and began an epic wrestling match.  Unfortunately (or perhaps luckily), the "Treant" was nothing more than a craggy old normal oak. His friends had been jesting, not actually expecting that Lilarcor would go fight the fictitiously dangerous tree. That might have been the end of it, but Lilarcor, not really knowing what a Treant was in the first, didn't realize the truth. He eventually uprooted the oak and, marching proudly home, he declared himself a hero. Thus was born a laughing stock of epic proportions, and over time the name of Lilarcor became the sacrificial fool in many tales of "less than brilliance". It is not known whether this enchanted weapon is Lilarcor himself, perhaps imprisoned by an evil mage or some other odd coincidence of fate, but it certainly acts in a manner consistent with his level of competence. If it is he, he has never bemoaned his captivity. He might not realize, or care, that he is no longer a human. As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah!  Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche."

When you ask Lilarcor about it's status
Lilarcor: "What's my status? Since when you do you care about me, unless I'm impaled in someone's guts? Oh, well, fine, let me think for a minute..."

"Hmph. I suppose I'm okay. Why? Are we gonna kill something now? No? How about now? No? Hmmm... now, maybe? Grrrrrr..."

When you ask Lilarcor for advice
Lilarcor: The sword whistles incredulous. "Advice, eh? Well, besides working on your swordmanship. Besides that, I'd have to think."

"Hmmm... find someone rich, and kill them. Find someone richer, and kill them, too! Hack and slash your way to fortune! Woo-hoo!!"

Quotes

 * "You know, my last owner said that I was sharp and edgy. He was such an ass."
 * "Wouldn't it be cool if you could dual-wield me?"
 * "I don't know what you are excepting, but as a sword, I'm pretty one-dimensional in what I want."
 * "Now? Please? Pretty please?"
 * "I may be an intelligent sword, but I've had no formal edimication."
 * "Oooh, throw a coin in that fountain! Hahaha!"
 * "You really needs to cleanse me. I like to shine!"
 * "Sissy fighter! You grab, I'll scratch!"
 * "Why don't we go kill thatover there?"
 * "Come on let's kill something NOW!"
 * "Let's whack something eeeevvvvillllll....."